omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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