I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize