Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
