watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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