watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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