Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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