Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
