the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
how drunk are you?
Several
He shit in the fireplace
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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