The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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