Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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