We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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