I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
