So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
