Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
