So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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