if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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