two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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