I have demons in me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
