I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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