So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
