That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
