my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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