Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
