Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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