I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
