Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
