There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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