I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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