so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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