She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize