I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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