I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
