how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize