Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
