i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
