you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize