I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
