Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
