I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
