I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
