Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
