I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
