She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
