I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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