i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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