K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
