i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize