Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
