Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
