OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
