You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
