I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize