was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
