It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
