I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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