I'm so fucking centered right now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
