hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He felt like a one man threesome
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
