he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
