My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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