If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
