I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
