Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
