lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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