yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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