Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
