There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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