You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
