we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
