You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
