I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
